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Lindt Excellence 99% Cocoa/Cacao (could be called 99% caca)…

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or a substitute for Ipacac.

Normally, I’m a Lindt fan, but here’s where I draw the line. Apparently I am not a huge fan of total cocoa, either….I admit it, I just don’t understand the challenge of “enjoying food”. If it doesn’t taste good after the 3rd bite, I can move on. My apologies to all the food traveler t.v. shows, I’m just not as cool as you. Now,  there are things that I love which make others cringe such as oysters, and gin martinis (not together, of course), so my palette isn’t completely juvenile.

This dark, dark, chocolate bar is shiny, and thin, with a good snap as you break apart the tiny piece which is about to sear into your tongue.

The wrapper comes complete with directions for optimum eating enjoyment. This should serve as a warning, you never should need instructions when eating candy!
Here are the directions, which are full of fancy spellings and the royal “we” so that once you eat this you will feel you have really accomplished something in your life, like a gustatory decathlon. *

“Excellence 99% is a unique chocolate that reveals all the strength and richness of cocoa beans. To fully appreciate all its flavours (note the fancy spelling),
we recommend that your progressively develop your palate through our range of high cocoa content chocolate bars, starting with Excellence 70%, then Excellence 85% and finally 99%.
The best way to experience Excellence 99% Cocoa is to break off a small piece and allow it to melt slowly in your mouth. To taste the full bouquet of chocolate aromas, try accompanying your tasting with some coffee.”

Or wash it down with a fifth of jack so that you can forget that you ever were so silly as to buy bakers chocolate with a marketing spin.

This 99% is not eaten by 99% who occupied Wall Street. In fact, I doubt it’s eaten by .005%. But, if you enjoy it…good for you, you’re a better man than I!

* Many thanks to my brilliant sister, Eleanor,  who discovered this dark chocolate silliness, and wrote much of this post.

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About sweetaddict

I'm a crazy, candy-infatuated, blogger who s so happy that you stopped by. This place is dedicated to all of us who always end up in the candy aisle. I'm totally impartial and answer only to my taste buds. I write about all things sweet from candy to baking to ice cream and beyond. Let me know your favorites.

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